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The Vampire Handbook, by PJ Jones
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Warning: Adult humor
So, after a painstakingly long soul-searching (at least five minutes) and after grappling with the possible fate of your immortal soul (who cares if you’re not going to die, anyway), you’ve decided to become a vampire.
Congratulations!
But before beginning that dark and shadowed journey into a life of eternal damnation, every vampire is required to read THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK, a short step-by-step guide to becoming a vampire and then adjusting to the bloodsucking lifestyle.
Some of the helpful tips in this handbook include: Rules for Living an Environmentally Friendly and Urbane, Undead Lifestyle, Dietary Restrictions for Vampires, Engaging in Battles with Other Immortals, Rules for Fitting into Society and not Scaring off Potential Meals and much more...
In addition to THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK, you will also get THE WERE/SHAPE-SHIFTER HANDBOOK and THE ZOMBIE HANDBOOK as well as a few sample chapters from PJ Jones's sparkly vampire parody, ROMANCE NOVEL.
- Sales Rank: #1154545 in eBooks
- Published on: 2011-07-15
- Released on: 2011-07-15
- Format: Kindle eBook
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
The funnies keep coming
By Anwar
This is a no holds barred funny. P.J. Jones gives you the real and the funny all in one short handbook. Following his guidelines into immortality will steer you silly with his facts. I couldn't stop laughing. It was hilarious. He must have been, either, mad, fed up, or just seen where this genre was headed... not only does he give you chapters from "The Handbook of Immortal Etiquette," but he walks you through each step as if he's been tempted to become one of the undead. Who is he attacking? All of those who takes the undead for a joke (with a joke... And plenty of them). If you've forgotten the origins of Vampires, shapeshifters, zombies and more, this short is for you. If you know the immortal etiquette, this short is for you... If you think Vamps sparkle, this short is for you... If you are a mortal intending on becoming one of the undead, this is for you... (out of the short) If your victim has just eaten spicy fish tacos for dinner, chances are, within a few hours of draining your victim, you will experience an unpleasant tingling sensation in your lower abdomen... This short is FUN-Knee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and I gave 4 stars because it wasn't long enough. And I read it twice.
I am now setting up a tourist trap while keeping handy "The Handbook For Immortal Etiquette" chapt.6, sec.13, code D, under amendment #17, sec.5.......... Kudos. Whateverthat means. Keep the funny comming P.J. Jones. I enjoyed it.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
JUSTIN BIEBER - EAT: The hair, the music. Yes, please, yes! ~ P.J. Jones
By Kindle Customer
THE VAPMIRE HANDBOOK (currently free for Kindle on amazon) was quite an entertaining read and well worth the short time investment. So in this cheeky little download you get the obvious "handbook" to becoming a vampire as well as, what to do once that goal is achieved; including the "rules" you must adhere to as an undead bloodsucker. P.J. Jones had me cracking up right out the gate with the Introduction and her pre-vamping plastic surgery advice and... yay, the laughs and giggles carried through to the end.
But that's not all! Oh no, the fun doesn't end with the vamps in this very wallet friendly investment, you also get The Pathetic Pussy...err...The Were-Thing or Shape-Shifter Guide, which is also very funny followed by the super quick read, The Zombie Handbook.
Although, I thoroughly enjoyed all of the clever handbook humor (be aware that a lot of it is PG-13); I can't say I was a huge fan of the bonus, bonus Romance Novel excerpt add-on at the very end. Don't get me wrong, by no means do I take issues with witty or silly parodies (or Twilight goofs), but this was kinda, been there done that for me...think "Vampires Suck" movie. But hey, it's an extra so I'm not complaining. I'm confident that I got my full $0 investment with THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK and would still feel that way even if had had to pay the original cost of a whopping $.99. So be brave, be bold, go to amazon and click that insta kindle delivery button and get your free funny on... I honestly don't think you'll regret it.
4 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
lmao
By pu
This was a riot. I laughed till I couldn't breathe. If you read twilight this is a highly recommended read.
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